Every feel like your between two huge walls and the only way out is either back the way you came which was quite a few miles back, or the way in front of you which can be deceiving. At times it appears so long you feel as though you could never make it. And other times it is so close that you miss the part where you exit and the walls are gone. I am not exactly sure where I am standing but the pressue feels pretty immense.
Here we are in the middle of the most of amazing, life changing, altering, growing, healing honoring place in our lives and we have these looming clouds. It seems to make it a little easier to deal with. But loss of any rate can be challenging. Even the loss of identity. So to have gone through this last week (which felt like a year) and come out the other side I suppose I should be happy about that. On one side my aunts cancer came back and she was not expecting it to be a good thing. Now the doctors think they can extend her life from 6-8 months to 2-3 years. Patricks aunt has cancer, his cousin passed away and he started smoking... But on the flip side we are going to Ireland for 6 weeks!
I decided I was going to quit my work study job and then was offered another one. There is definitely a pattern of sorts...
Amidst all the pain there is a sense of comradery, love, fellowship, healing, and opportunity. There are new paths opening up for me. I am thinking of focusing on folklore and watercolors. I also want to do Sean Nos singing. Yet my heart is aching and I feel like I have no time to tend to it. Why do I get the impression that I will spend the first two days in Ireland just crying and purging?
May the music play forever...
