Space

While I lived my life as a massage therapist I learned a valuable lesson about people and their spaces. I have no idea how many hours of massage I have clocked, but on average I would perform 18-30 massages per week which hourly average up to about 8- a month and so on... So, maybe not as many hours as some, but definitely enough to know...

What I found is a "space". A "space" where you can meet someone in neutral territory. Within this space is a, sometimes unnerving, powerful sense of truth. There can be truth about everything from abuse to unending happiness. What is so unique about this space is that anything goes. Everything is free... There is no judgment because you both come together within that space with everything you came in with and its OK. Because you recognize your own stuff and they recognize their own stuff and its good. I hope that makes sense.

It is very easy for me to meet people in this space and to create friendships and bonds that grow from a place of space. But what my next challenge is, how do I meet myself in this space?

I can accept other peoples baggage far easier than my own. I can recognize similarities in someone else without fully facing my own issues. So how do I meet myself in that space, and be OK with what I see, feel and think? This is a huge fear for me because I don't think I will like what I see. I am afraid of what "I" will think about my own faults. Isn't this a strange conundrum?

Pause

This is by far one of the most difficult weeks Patrick and I go through. For a few years in a row February was always this bear of a month, with hospitalizations or deaths. I have been thinking a lot lately about our friend Carl who passed away 3 years ago and our friends son Franklin who passed that same week. It has been 3 years!

Now I see myself in this space of learning and growth. Far from the stress of business owning and grief of those years. Getting ready to embark upon the adventure of my life! At least up to this point... and I cannot seem to get them out of my mind the past week.

I did not appreciate Carl in life. I never really understood him as a person. He was an amazing artist and spiritualist. Lately I have really wished he was around for us to share this experience with him. He blessed our wedding day, and out lives. He was a friend of Patricks when he had no one to talk to. I miss him.

The loss of our friends son makes me sad... I think of Elisia and my friend Matt who passed when I was 12. Loss at a young age is so difficult.

I wanted to pause for a moment... To recognize where I have been and what has moved me the direction I am in. Thank you for being in my life Carl. Thank you for being such an amazing gift to Patrick and I.

I know in my heart as I scatter the ashes of my aunt in Ireland, it will be a way for me to grieve for those I have lost over the years. To close the doors and move forward, knowing I have been able to find closure. I have never attended a funeral for a family member, because we have yet to have one. I will take you with me on the clouds, your dreams and cares scattered to the wind as I honor your presence in my life and greet you in the space between....